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The Pen is Mightier: Collected Writings of Tidus S. Jeff
Posted: 29 November 2004 03:12 PM   [ Ignore ]
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As some of you may or may not know, IMG’s favorite n00b, tidusjeff, is at it again. I would like to dedicate this thread to the profound literary curiosities he has written during his absence from the IMG community.

Let’s kick it off with his first four reviews:
Auto Modellista
Final Fantasy XI
Unreal Championship
DoA Ultimate

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Posted: 29 November 2004 04:09 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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I do say, tidusjeff’s offbeat style coupled with unorthodox grammar does make for some entertaining writings.

Someday, this man (??) will go down in history as one of the greatest (??) writers of worthless reviews on OCGN.com.

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<LadyOrca> you don’t like shellfish porn?

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Posted: 29 November 2004 04:27 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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Better OCGN, then IMG. Just imagine if…  :shock:

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Posted: 29 November 2004 05:23 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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Someone needs to contact Kuran (Ingue Ferroque in the IMG forums) bout his TidusJeff quotes page. It has seemed to have disappeard.

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I love Biablo.

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Posted: 30 November 2004 04:06 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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While on the topic of stupid. [URL=http://homepage.mac.com/johan.hansen/images/joefox.gif]here[/URL] you can find a series of PMs between me and Joefox… and [URL=http://homepage.mac.com/johan.hansen/images/joefox-benny.gif]here[/URL] is a short “discussion” with Benny.

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Here at the Disciples of Bork we’re all equals…
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Posted: 30 November 2004 06:42 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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The best thing about the Benny-joefox PMs is point B of the final post.

THERE WAS NO MISSPELLED WORDS IN MY MESSAGE! NOR A GRAMMAR ERROR!”

The correct grammar for that statement should read:

THERE WERE NO MISSPELLED WORDS IN MY MESSAGE, NOR ANY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS!

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Posted: 30 November 2004 01:48 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
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Personally, I like the Auto Modellista review the best. It’s hardly readable, yet it provides some great cryptogram fun. I believe Tidusjeff should go into the military to be a code messenger. His work would be brilliant. Nobody would be able to decipher.

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Lego bestiality.
Esio trot. Esio trot. Teg reggib, reggib.

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Posted: 30 November 2004 01:53 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
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[quote author=“Mt_K3”]I believe Tidusjeff should go into the military to be a code messenger.

LOL, that’s brilliant!

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<LadyOrca> you don’t like shellfish porn?

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Posted: 30 November 2004 03:30 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
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Here’s a complete breakdown of the Auto Modellista review. I wrote it a few months ago, and some of you may have already seen it, but what the bork.

All I can say is “Wow!” I’ve never seen a review capture the whole feeling of a game like that. But the true greatness of this review is releaved when you break it down.

“ok guys you bin waiting and you bin waiting and waiting some more and now its here auto modellista has finaly come out in the usa but is it any good?”

Tidus begins by acknowledging the anticipation for this game, and clearly stating the question he will ask in his review.

“ok heres the lowdown this game is form capcom the ppl who gave you onimusha and other games and this is a raceing game and now the good things about the game”

Here Tidus does a great job of informing us of the company’s previous products so we might get a better picture of what we can expect form this product.

”#1 This game has good grahics i meen look at the detale on the cars and good use of cel shading on the cars.”

Here Tidus makes a great point. Graphics are very important to the quality of a game.

”#2.This game is online and bb only i know you 56k users will be realy realy sad but for us bb users this is the best.”

Here, Tidus informs us that broadband users will be satisfied with the online component of the game, and while he is hard on the 56k people, he is, in a way, inspiring them to upgrade to broadband, to maximaize their gaming potential. This speaks loudly about Tidus’s caring personality.

”#3 This game lets you customize your cars and you can make you plan old car look like its wurth thousands so thats realy cool and you can piant your car!”

Wow, where’s my wallet! Tidus has me convinced that this game is a winner! But let’s move on before we get too excited.

“And now heres the cons of the game”

Wow! This great game has flaws! Maybe it isn’t the steal that Tidus had me convinced it was!

”#1The games car physics is realy messtup i meen realy messtup its like your sliping and slyding like your on ice!”

That’s definately a major blow to the game! I’m glad Tidus informed me of this game’s sub-par physics! I’ll keep that in mind while deciding if I should purchase this game.

”#2The carrer mode is not that deep you can mosty get most of the cars and stuff in 3 to 5 hours so its much like namcos raceing game rige racer 5.”

Hmm, that seems short! I’m starting to reconsider.

”# The online mode can be better like in the chat they take out damn and pimp and thats nuts and after a race with 4 to 8 ppl online it takes you back to the main network menu so thats sucks.”

Wow! Censorship like that angers me so much! I’m glad Tidus informed me of this, preventing inevitable anger in not being able to tell my opponents “omg teh nuts” after a crushing defeat.

“ok im done with that so now theres some last notes.

I wish that capcom chould of put more effort in to the game but this game is okey the part that i like is mosty its online and its like gt3 and rige racers and its broadband only but its not that deep carrer mode and the controls are repedive.I hope capcom will make a auto modellista 2 and that game whould be better so i can only recommend this game to a person that wants a online game that he can only play with broadband ppl online that dont lag and a person that likes raceing games so thats that.”

Wow. What a review! Tidus showed me all of the good aspects of the game and all of the bad, so that I might make my own decision, but also shared his personal choice. I think I’m going to agree with Tidus, and pass on this title, but thanks to his review, I can recommend it to a friend who does not care about physics, short gameplay, or censorship. Thanks, Tidus!

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Posted: 30 November 2004 03:37 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]
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How much time did you spend writing that up, Adam? Your analysis is utterly brilliant, but incredibly worthless at the same time.

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<LadyOrca> you don’t like shellfish porn?

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Posted: 30 November 2004 03:39 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]
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[quote author=“DigitalRebel”]How much time did you spend writing that up, Adam? Your analysis is utterly brilliant, but incredibly worthless at the same time.

I honestly can’t remember; I did it over the summer.

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Posted: 30 November 2004 03:40 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 11 ]
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[quote author=“try_again”][quote author=“DigitalRebel”]How much time did you spend writing that up, Adam? Your analysis is utterly brilliant, but incredibly worthless at the same time.

I honestly can’t remember; I did it over the summer.

YOU WASTED YOUR SUMMER VACATION WRITING ABOUT TIDUSJEFF?/!!

WHY ARE YOU NOT DEAD????!!

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<LadyOrca> you don’t like shellfish porn?

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Posted: 30 November 2004 03:43 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 12 ]
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[quote author=“DigitalRebel”][quote author=“try_again”][quote author=“DigitalRebel”]How much time did you spend writing that up, Adam? Your analysis is utterly brilliant, but incredibly worthless at the same time.

I honestly can’t remember; I did it over the summer.

YOU WASTED YOUR SUMMER VACATION WRITING ABOUT TIDUSJEFF?/!!

WHY ARE YOU NOT DEAD????!!

Okay….....

.....you know, it’s not like I spent five weeks writing it

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Posted: 30 November 2004 03:50 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 13 ]
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[quote author=“try_again”][quote author=“DigitalRebel”][quote author=“try_again”][quote author=“DigitalRebel”]How much time did you spend writing that up, Adam? Your analysis is utterly brilliant, but incredibly worthless at the same time.

I honestly can’t remember; I did it over the summer.

YOU WASTED YOUR SUMMER VACATION WRITING ABOUT TIDUSJEFF?/!!

WHY ARE YOU NOT DEAD????!!

Okay….....

.....you know, it’s not like I spent five weeks writing it

Yes, it definitely is raspberry

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<LadyOrca> you don’t like shellfish porn?

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Posted: 01 December 2004 06:32 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 14 ]
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[quote author=“DigitalRebel”][quote author=“try_again”][quote author=“DigitalRebel”][quote author=“try_again”][quote author=“DigitalRebel”]How much time did you spend writing that up, Adam? Your analysis is utterly brilliant, but incredibly worthless at the same time.

I honestly can’t remember; I did it over the summer.

YOU WASTED YOUR SUMMER VACATION WRITING ABOUT TIDUSJEFF?/!!

WHY ARE YOU NOT DEAD????!!

Okay….....

.....you know, it’s not like I spent five weeks writing it

Yes, it definitely is raspberry

OMFG Ross spent 5 weeks this summer watching t_a write an analysis of a review tidusjeff wrote! You two should have sex or something. Invite Tidusjeff to watch and he can review it.

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Doot, doot, doot, doot doooo doo BOOM.

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Posted: 01 December 2004 08:06 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 15 ]
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[quote author=“ConEEE”][quote author=“DigitalRebel”][quote author=“try_again”][quote author=“DigitalRebel”][quote author=“try_again”][quote author=“DigitalRebel”]How much time did you spend writing that up, Adam? Your analysis is utterly brilliant, but incredibly worthless at the same time.

I honestly can’t remember; I did it over the summer.

YOU WASTED YOUR SUMMER VACATION WRITING ABOUT TIDUSJEFF?/!!

WHY ARE YOU NOT DEAD????!!

Okay….....

.....you know, it’s not like I spent five weeks writing it

Yes, it definitely is raspberry

OMFG Ross spent 5 weeks this summer watching t_a write an analysis of a review tidusjeff wrote! You two should have sex or something. Invite Tidusjeff to watch and he can review it.

Are you drunk?

Does that question even need answering?

Why are we here?

*stares into starry forum background*

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<LadyOrca> you don’t like shellfish porn?

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